you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
