The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
