Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
