you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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