I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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