saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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