and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
