She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
