OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
