I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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