Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
