Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
