real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
