i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
