Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
