life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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