alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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