its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
