i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
