I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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