Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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