Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
