Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
