Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
