Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
