Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
