i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
