If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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