Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
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