Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
