i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
