Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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