dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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