oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
