Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
