Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
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