I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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