I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
