The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
