Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
