Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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