First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
