I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
