dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
