At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
