you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
