is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
