Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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