I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
