I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The chlamydia really affected his face.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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