i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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