Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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