I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
