I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
