We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
