I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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